I was born in Russia and adopted 10 months later. My adoptive parents brought me back to the United States and I grew up in a Christian home. I was involved in Awana and VBS every summer.
My first addictions that started in middle school were breaking rules and lying about it. I struggled relating to other kids, so I withdrew. I struggled through high school, changing schools multiple times until finally, during my senior year, I traded my track season for a vape and started into substance addiction.
After high school, my mental health pushed me further into addiction, using multiple substances until I had become a shell of myself and could not adequately function healthily anymore. I was without a job or a home.
In June of 2024, my mom recommended a program, and eventually, with much frustration and an apprehensive attitude, I walked into Adult & Teen Challenge.
I wasn’t here for myself, though. I was here to appease my family. My attitude worsened and quickly I went back to an old habit -- breaking rules and lying about it. I ended up leaving the program less than two months after I had come in.
Two days after I left, I was introduced to meth and this immediately became my new vice. I began using it everyday and very quickly realized the people I was around did not have my best interests in mind. I was physically assaulted multiple times, my life was threatened and my sense of safety disappeared. I was dropped off at a homeless shelter with no phone service and completely alone.
Laying there on a top bunk, in a 12-man shelter, I had to ask myself some hard questions. I felt alone, unsafe and unloved. One of the things I asked myself was, “Where was the last place I felt accepted and truly loved?” My answer surprised me. It was at Adult & Teen Challenge. I didn’t know how to feel about that, because my attitude had been so negative my first go around. I knew that if I was going to come back, my reasons had to be different.
I made the call and was immediately accepted. I had to come to the end of myself before I could accept help.
It wasn’t pretty, but here I am five months later, sober, happy and still growing in my relationships with a personal God. I am rebuilding relationships with my family and setting goals for a future I never thought I would have.
There will always be room for growth and now I’m willing to do it. I’m almost excited for it! I’ve come so far in such little time by staying dedicated to God, pushing myself to be uncomfortable and by learning new ways to cope. I don’t have to hide, lie and break rules to feel something anymore. I’ve got a peace that surpasses all understanding and a relationship with a God that is bigger than all my anger, my depression and my addiction. I have been relieved of that burden and I do not have to pretend that I can carry my own cross anymore. I am perfectly broken, and I am perfectly okay with that.
